I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
