I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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