You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
