Tell her she can't have a vagina
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
