Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
