Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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