so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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