I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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