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And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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