the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
