I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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