Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
