the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i think i have herpe
just one?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
