I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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