Can Purell be used as lube?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
