well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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