There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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