When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
