fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Dear god my vagina.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
