i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
