did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize