Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm too high and old for this...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
