awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
