this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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