He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
