That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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