Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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