I bet he comes in French.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize