I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
