yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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