she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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