i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
