Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
