why didn't you poke me back
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
