it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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