i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
