Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
