can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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