He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
