dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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