found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
