That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
