batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
