I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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