you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I have post one night stand depression
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