I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
