Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She's the barista slut.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
