her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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