I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
