it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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