at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
