nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
