Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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