It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize