i just wanna soil my oats bro
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
