Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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