Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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