Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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