u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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