In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
