i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
