Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
