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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture

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• (760): View more from California

  Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.

  (912): View more from Georgia

  What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?

  (760): View more from California

  I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.

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• (562): View more from California

  trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..

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• (210): View more from Texas

  I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.

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• (385): View more from Utah

  I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.

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• (646): View more from New York

  I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE

  (646): View more from New York

  HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT

  (646): View more from New York

  GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Blunts beyotch

  (206): View more from Washington

  What? Joints? Blunts?

  (425): View more from Washington

  I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.

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