I'm jealous of your bromance
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
