it wasn't lemon gatorade
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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