Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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