I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
