my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
