i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
please come you make the beer taste better
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize