Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
did you just send me my own nude
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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