This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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