So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
