Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm getting married
To pizza
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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