Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
