I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
