I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
