remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
