i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize