every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
