i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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