She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
